mirrored_wings: (Default)
I'm really not that great at bios and profiles. Really. /laughs.

I'm the nearly 23 year old heavily self-repressed and restrained librarian type with a whole selection of diagnosed disorders about a mile and a half long and a rather cynical view on humanity. Makes for some interesting writing at times, as I tend to find a balance or look more towards the good of people/go for happy endings a lot of the time. I work full time despite my numerous disorders and believe that if you want to do something, there's a price to pay for it and you have to be willing for it. The price is usually 95% hard work and dedication that can, and often will, beat the 5% of outside factors into what you want to do.

I have a lot of interests, all of them about as eclectic and random as they come, many in common, even more with little in common with one another.

This particular journal was made to be less random than my others, and more of a way to keep a (hopefully) daily log so I can pin point several things as  go through cognitive behavior therapy and look for triggers, find patterns, etc over time.  ...so far, not really doing s'good on the daily part, but I'm hoping it'll get better over time, I just need to boot myself in the ass to get it done. /sigh.

Other than that, I'm a rather boring Customer Service Representative/Billing Specialist for Sprint Wireless; hooray. /mild sarcasm.

Nice to meet all of you, and welcome to my insanity. =P
mirrored_wings: (Default)
It's annoying how nearly a month went by before I started picking the unholy shit out of the growth on my head that barely qualifies as hair. I can guess the increased stress, frustration and anxiety are definitely a part of it, with work being an unholy pain and all.

But why didn't I go after it before and I am now? PMS/Period probably has to do with that, methinks. Blegh.

I need to make it through the month- that way I can bleach it in May and see if it's long enough for a qualified hairdresser to get the extensions put in. That way I know I can't fuck with it afterwards. I just have to talk to my sister/Mom's hairdresser and see if she knows of anyone who could do it and what her prices would be.

...sitting in a chair for 5 hours will be the bitch though, while I get them put in. I know they're supposed to be damaging to the hair, but if they'll last me through to August/September where I'll only have to go in and get my roots bleached? I'll be fine. (I'm apparently being a tow head like in the old days. Go me! It will set off m'green eyes though.)

And if they can last me long enough so that I can grow my hair out to the point I can't pull it? I'll be fine. Because pulling at a certain point genuinely registers as pain and not the nice relieving kind either.

It'll probably not be until June for the extensions, but I can at least get the inch/inch and a half bleached before then, have a bit of growth and then go in to have 'em bleach the roots and put in said extensions to match it. With any luck, the extensions will be decent and the whole thing won't cost more than about $700-800 dollars. ...still a lot but, it'll be worth it.

I will try and post pics, if I can get it done. I already know when I get them put in, I'm going to hand Dad the brush and have him give me the first ponytail I'll have had in 13 years.

It's hard. But I'm going to pray for some kind of help here, and look for where my extra stash of willpower is hiding, that way I can use 'em both to quit picking more than I have and grow, grow grow!

mirrored_wings: (Beato (Mellow/Baseline))
This was one of those days where the idea of getting out of bed got both middle fingers raised way, way up.

Not in a OMG angsty/depression based mood mind you, nope, this was sheer, 100% lazy. Gotta give my props and due to the sin of Sloth, don'tcha know. I mostly hung out and played Pokemon in bed. Didn't feel hungry until later on, keeping an eye on my appetite as we do not want our weight going below the 140 mark again. Had a bagel, and while not exactly 100% appetizing and sounding good, was what felt best in the stomach.

I'm pretty sure there was a dream happening this morning, I just don't remember it. Whatever it was can go straight to hell, however, because I didn't appreciate that pseudo-freakout that happened when a nonexistent someone wrapped some cold arms around me and held me from behind. First time I've woken up in the last few days genuinely about ready to launch myself up and stick to the ceiling like a cat. Creeped me out and had goosebumps from when I'd woken up and for the next ten, fifteen minutes while I calmed myself down and muttered under my breath.

We'll see if I have a dream tonight as I go to sleep. One I can remember, at least. Concerned for Mom, she's not doing very well with the high possibility of an ulcer and being in a lot of pain due to that and a sinus infection.

T-minus a bit more than 24 hours and counting until the concert. Totes excited and nervous for it to happen.

Mood otherwise was pretty baseline. Nothing AMAZINGOMG or TERRIBLEHORRIBLEWTH going on in life.

mirrored_wings: (Yuuko (Score!))
Anxiety from the tsunami's still there, more centric on the whole potential nuclear disaster that should have people going, "Awww shit" more than they are already. Nuclear stuff isn't my forte or area of expertise, but radiation+potential for a meltdown = very bad news. I'm smart enough to grasp those basics. Now I'm just sad, shaking my head at the death toll and of the level of destruction Mother Nature can cause.

It takes humanity around 10+ years to get a decent sized village or city fully up and running. Mother Nature can take it out, as we've seen, in a matter of minutes. I'm kind of glad humanity can't harness that type of power, we have too many who'd abuse it, sadly.

Due to being a bad girl and not doing my friday log, I'll just post a bit about it here and move on.

Friday Events )

Saturday found me waking early so I could get my check cashed and such before everything closed.

Nice lengthy and rambly Saturday log ) 

Highlight of the day was purchasing Pokemon Black. Yes, I'm 23 (nearly) going on 35 going on 10. Bite me, I still enjoy my silly little children's video game with the adorable creatures you stuff into little balls and collect like coins. Tonight's bedtime story is totally going to be about Amara (name of my trainer) and her silly before-the-Professor-showed-up adventures trying to mediate between the massively unresolved UST between her smarty-pants know-it-all and rather critical personality friend, Cheren and the delightfully sweet, but bubblebrained and not terribly smart girl who tries very hard named Bianca. The three of them have known each other a minimum of 10 years by the time we're clued into their adventures and it's amusing to pick up little clues and play with them. Poor Amara, I have a feeling Bianca gets them into a lot of trouble that Cheren ends up yelling at her for and that Amara ends up having to soothe hurt feelings and take responsibility for getting them out of trouble a lot. *laugh*

Still need to pick up my copy of Twilight's Dawn by Anne Bishop so I complete my series collection. Stupid brain, can't have just all but one of the books, gotta have'em all. How this doesn't apply to video games is beyond me; I'm not a total completionist like a lot of people I know.

Also; whoever decided Daylight Savings Time was a good idea needs a swift kick in the unmentionables... and the kneecaps, just for good measure. I liked that extra hour, thank you!

x-posted to other journal.

mirrored_wings: (Hanyuu (Shock))
8.9 magnitude earthquake hit Japan. Tsunamis wiped out a lot of the villages there, death toll is at 29, very very likely going to explode into the hundreds, if not thousands or up to tens of thousands.

Tsunami warnings up to 5 feet for the Oregon coast, 6+ feet for Hawaii is projected.

Empathy is kind of a bitch, I don't like having the ability to just think about it and be able to put myself in someone's shoes who're in that situation.

I want to cry out of... I dunno, frustration maybe, I'm powerless to do anything but pray for them, and praying I've been doing. Out of a sense of loss, I love the Japanese culture and it's horrifying to watch this happen. It's just horribly, horribly sad.

Anxiety is not helped by the fact I know we're in the Pacific Ring of Fire; it could happen to us as well. Paranoid, maybe, but it's not entirely unrealistic, as we're on a few fault lines and should be prepared for something of a magnitude 6.5+ just to be on the safe side.

...but we're not, the buildings are flimsy and the damage is going to be devastating when it happens.

...oh, and that nuclear reactor not being able to cool itself? Not cool. Last thing we need is that kicking off the zombie apocalypse. /fist shake and laughs. xposted over to my LiveJournal.
mirrored_wings: (Dagger (Feeling Fiesty))
If you're mature enough to handle my truth and what comes out of my mouth in a journal that will be nothing but raw honesty and the things I've hidden from even my therapists?



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Then the "Add Comment" button is there for a reason and for you to use. Be warned; I may ask you a question or I may deny you with a good, solid reason that I'll be sure to elaborate on privately.

You have been warned; friend if you dare. <3

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